This post was originally published on November 3, 2020.
~~~
I recently spent a couple of weeks at my brother’s house in New Hampshire. It was a really special time. I got to spend loads of quality time watching my niece and nephew’s favorite shows. My six year old niece beat me at Monopoly Jr. and my eight year old nephew gave me a valuable lesson on just how tough parenting can be sometimes.
So, you know, kudos to all you parents. It’s not easy!
My favorite take-away from my time spent in NH was how my brother and I would gather around the kitchen table for our evening meals.
It’s so simple, right? But how often is something so simple so incredibly rich with depth and meaning?
We’d make dinner. Nothing too elaborate but still filling and satisfying. I’d set the table and we’d sit while a different music genre played in the background. Several nights we’d choose gypsy jazz in honor of our Opa, a classically trained musician and conductor.
What was so special to me in this natural daily rhythm was how it opened the door for, not just meaningful conversation, but also comfortable silence. We created this space to talk or be silent.
I’m becoming more and more a firm believer in allowing these spaces in relationship. The kind of space that nurtures reflection and contemplation. It allows you to step away for a moment to consider other things and then come back to the conversation.
I suppose I struggle with this natural human behavior because, like you, I’ve always been exposed to the B-reel. You know, the movie montage of relationships where they’re always doing something that’s making them laugh and they’re always deep in a conversation. I sometimes wonder if it’s that B-reel life that’s made me uncomfortable with silences.
Which is why I start giggling if there’s any sort of momentary silence in conversation. Or, start talking about something really stupid because I don’t know what else to talk about and I feel like there’s so much pressure to keep the conversation going and it’s super stressful when you’re not a small-talker, guys!
Aaand, which is also why, I’ve come to understand how important it is to not be afraid of those silences. To actually welcome them. To take it a step further and create an environment that will welcome them. Gather those spaces together and allow them space to feel comfortable. Like they belong.
If you don’t know where to start, begin with a meal. Or cheese and crackers. Or coffee and some sweet goodies. Sharing food offers a common activity to alleviate staring at each other with nothing to say.
In today’s world of eating in front of the tv or staring at phones, let’s be different. Let’s bring back the creation of the space to share conversation and silence.
